“Prog rock wunderkinds Polyphia rumored to have hired McKinsey consulting team to determine how many fans might jump ship if the band were to include actual lyrics on their next album.”
Polyphia Hires Lyric Consultants?
America’s Band… Polyphia, the genre defying prog rock Ibanez guitar sales team, is rumored to have hired consultants from the prestigious McKinsey firm to help decide a few instrumental (get it) questions which will asist in crafting the sonic character of the band’s next album:
- How many Polyphia fans might jump ship if the band dares to use actual words on a song?
- How many guitar solos should Polyphia include on each track to sell the maximum amount of Ibanez stringed instruments?
- When is the appropriate time in the band’s relevancy cycle for Tim Henson to go full Tyson and bring the neck tattoos up above the chin line?
This is a major step forward for Polyphia, as it might give Guitar World Magazine something new to write about…
Be Sure to follow Rock Pop Fashion On Spotify
Thats right, we have a weekly updated playlist with all the tracks you need to hear, and yes America’s band is on there with a new song with actual lyrics (sung by the legendary Chino Moreno no less)…
How Many Guitar Solos is Enough?
Part of the new consulting group’s task will be to analyze data and create a formula derived from generative artificial intelligence blockchain tech to determine exactly how many guitar solos Polyphia can include on each song before people tune out…
Industry experts have reportedly expressed optimism that extended guitar solos demonstrating super human technical proficiency stand a high likelihood of convincing consumers to purchase Ibanez instruments. However, too many of these displays of talent stand an equal chance of convincing potential Ibanez customers to abandon hope and quit playing guitar entirely… not good for business.
As one industry expert reportedly suggested, “You want to show off enough talent to make the Polyphia youtube video go viral but then follow up quickly with a Tim Henson tutorial so the guitar nerds don’t rage quit.”
Prog Rock’s Rocky Relationship with Actual Words
Prog rock has always had a bit of a rocky relationship with actual words. On the one hand, prog rockers love to explore the depths of their musical creativity, often pushing the boundaries of what is possible with their instrumentation and composition. On the other hand, they often struggle to find the right words to express the emotions and aimless talent displays they are trying to showcase in their songs.
But, despite the challenges, prog rockers have found ways to make their music speak for itself. Through the use of complex rhythms, intricate melodies, and soaring solos, they have been able to create a sound that is powerful, emotive, and also confusing.
The prog rockers of today have also embraced the use of technology to help them create their music. By using synthesizers, samplers, and very well produced music videos to distract you from the songs lack of lyrical context, they have been able to create an Ibanez sales experience that is both unique and captivating!
So, while prog rockers may not always have the perfect words to express their ideas, they have certainly found ways to make Ibanez’s bottom line impress investors. And, in the end, that is what really matters.
Is Tim Henson an AI?
Definitely a possibility. We can’t say for certain, his hands are definitely doing some crazy shit at high speeds.
Is Tim Henson An Anime Character?
Also a possibility.
Can you Recommend any avant-garde sweaters that will help with guitar dexterity?
No, but we are always on the look out.
Any Chance Guitar World Will Cover Other Acts?
Highly unlikely friend.
Potential New Polyphia Track with lyrics
(Guitar Solo #1)
Verse 1
We’ve got a new addition to the scene,
A lyric consultant to help us dream,
Not Stevie Vai, a McKinsey team,
To help us craft our musical scheme.
(Guitar Solo #2)
(Guitar Solo #3)
Chorus
We’ve got a new friend, a new ally,
A new voice to help us create our melody,
A new perspective, a new way to see,
A new way to make Guitar World write with glee.
(Bass Solo #1)
Verse 2
Before we had notes,
Now we have words,
People who knock prog rock,
Are a bunch of turds.
(Guitar Solo #4)
(Guitar Solo #5)
(Drum Solo #1)
(Guitar Solo #6)
Chorus
We’ve got a new friend, a new ally,
A new voice to help us create our melody,
A new perspective, a new way to see,
A new way to make Ibanez shareholders jump with glee.
(Bass Solo #2)
Bridge
We’ll take our youtube channel to the next level,
Our lyrics will be something to revel,
We’ll craft our stories and make them soar,
America’s band will be something more.
(Guitar Solo #7)
(Drum Solo #2)
(Guitar Solo #8)
Chorus
We’ve got a new friend, a new ally,
A new voice to help us create our melody,
A new perspective, a new way to sing,
A new way to make prog rock king.
(Bass Solo #3)
(Drum Solo #3)
(Drum Solo #4)